Post by Astrabella Jennifer Monroe on May 12, 2009 4:04:08 GMT 9.5
hey, astrabella jennifer monroe
what are you fighting for?
what are you fighting for?
help me out said the minnow to the trout
full name»» Astrabella Jennifer Monroe
nick names»» Astra, Bella, Ast, AJ, Jenny, Monroe, Marilyn Monroe (to muggleborns who know who she is)
birthdate»» February fifteenth
age»» seventeen
gender»» female
sexuality»» straight
blood»» possibly mixed, unknown for sure
squib or magical»» magical
canon or original»» original
member group»» seventh
view on squibs»» against (she thinks it's unkind to show squibs what they can never have)
voldemort or harry»» harry (she believes that harry would never lie, and no one wants attention for a dramatic past, and she would know)
please, I know that we're different
pet»» owl, named Rosabella (it was random)
school»» Hogwarts
house»» Ravenclaw
patronus»» "The happiest memory of mine? When I was pulled through by a very close friend of mine, and I knew that he was always going to be there for me. And when he promised he wouldn't leave me like my father had."
boggart»» "What truly scared me to the very core? Seeing said best friend dead. He promised. He promised he wouldn't leave. He promised."
mirror of erised»» "It's embarrassing to admit, but I see myself in a white dress, married to him. It's humiliating, but I see it. I see the future involving him. I see him, I see him with me, I see two little kids, running around, and a house with space for them to run around. I see a nice field to play Quidditch with my family in. That's all I see."
amortentia»» my best friend's smell, paper, new books, and my grandmomma's famous apple pie
discovering magic»» "Well, to be honest, my mother taught me like a Muggle child, not caring that like her, I might turn out to be magical. Mum was a half-blood, but she never knew if my father was a pure blood or a half-blood or not. I'd like to think that poppa wasn't magical at all. It didn't matter, to be honest. I guess I sort of knew around age nine. I had sort of been odd, and I really disliked my blond hair. And without dying it, it became black, and I was shocked at my new hair colour, but I loved it. It was a really nice change, but mum didn't love it, not at all. Then again, she had blond hair too, but it was still nice.
"I hated the thought of my mum disliking my hair colour, but it became a gorgeous brunette as well. I liked it as well, and my mum obviously knew that there was a special talent of mine, but I didn't know what it was. I just figured it was a nice one, but my mother was shocked. I guess we sort of think my father might of had someone on his side of the family with metamorphagi, and gave that trait to me. I don't know when it first showed up, but I don't know why anymore. Actually, I found out my mother actually had pictures of me as a child, and in all of them, my hair was changing colour constantly, my eyes the only thing staying the same. I guess that was sort of okay, but why did I only have blond hair for a long time? At the age of nine was probably when I had control of it. It was okay for me, though, it was how I learned about magic."
we're not that different after all
hair»» Astra's hair is always brightly changed by magic from any orange or red color, since it lasts longer. Her hair is about shoulder-length, pin straight. Her hair is naturally a light blond, and at one point, she had it changed to a dark black. However, her hair is mostly kept curled because she loves her hair curly. ((OOC: refer to pic for example...))
eyes»» Her eyes are blue-green. she almost always wears eyeliner, and eye make-up. Astra's eyes are the only thing she really enjoys about herself.
body type»» Astrabella looks small, very small. She has well-toned arms, and stands at four foot nine. She's shorter than most, and has a small bust, and a small frame. It's not boy-ish, per say, but very small for a female.
distinguishing features»» Her bright hair, her piercings, and her bright blue-green (like the Crayola crayon color) eyes.
not your everyday circumstance
likes»» books. friends. butterbeer. laughing. writing. dancing. singing. the rain. home. apple pie with ice cream. having fun.
dislikes»» being down. liars. preppy people. fake people. wrong answers. getting the answer wrong. having nothing to do. death. wars. idiots. being in trouble.
strengths»» smarts. dancing. telling good jokes. writing. potions. charms.
weaknesses»» care of magical creatures (she barely passed in her O.W.L year and threw a fit over her low score). cooking spells (always ends up bursting into flames. she has no clue why). lying (sure, sometimes she lies. but she really can't do it because she never keeps them straight). social skills (she's better off in a lab). herbology (she can't do anything outdoorsy other than Quidditch, and she's not super great at it, just average).
habits and quirks»» twirls hair when nervous. tends to stutter if she's nervous. taps foot when thinking. tends to refuse to say anything rather than blow up when angry. tends to avoid drama when talking to people.
secrets»» she's in love with her best friend and she attempted to kill herself during her third year summer (her best friend used magic to stop her).
five words»»
- INTELLIGENT "Well, I've always been gifted. I love reading books, and I enjoy spending my time studying. So naturally, it helps."
- STUBBORN "To be honest, when I come up with something, I stick to it. I'd rather believe my theory than admit someone else might be right. It's not in my nature, of course."
- BOLD "I tend to be very bold in my statements, to the point where it's brave to even do so. However, there are times when I will back down, and it won't be as intense. However, I do tend be be very loud."
- INTENSE "I tend to be very intense. If I decide to do something, I give it my all. I never give just half of what I can do, I throw myself in it and imagine everything."
- OPEN-MINDED "I guess you could say that if I can't prove something, I'll trust my gut on it. I'll say, 'Oh, well, it could be possible.' It's not like I'll go against it if there's no way I can prove it to be wrong."
full personality»» Astrabella is sort of a cautious, quiet girl, but that depends on her mood. That's Astrabella when she's feeling down. Astrabella when she's happy will chatter over anything she can think of, and she will absolutely enjoy her freedom. Astrabella will also bounce around, because usually when she's happy, she's hyper as well. It's not like she has anything else to do whenever she's full of energy. The only time she's in the middle is when she's in class, and reading. Astrabella particularly enjoy classes, along with just reading, and hearing the facts. However, she's not the best person for doing anything outside, since just because she knows a lot, doesn't mean she's great outdoors.
Astrabella hates outdoorsy classes, since she barely passed them in the first place. Astrabella had also nearly failed those classes, and it wasn't something she enjoyed at all. Astrabella doesn't enjoy failing, and she's headstrong as well. If she nearly fails, she doesn't want to believe it was her. Then again, a lot of people share that with her. However, Astrabella is pretty much depressing when she's feeling alone. She hates being alone, and it makes her feel like she's better off dead. Astrabella believes that Harry wouldn't lie to keep eyes on his tragic past. She believes this because of her past that helped to shape her in her current position.
Astrabella avoids talking about that summer where she attempted to kill herself. The only good thing was that her best friend lives pretty close to her house, and stopped her. It was pretty much her safety net, she guessed, and it was rare for her to guess. Astrabella was the only person who could not understand what she was thinking at all. She wasn't a people person, either, which makes it all the more harder on her, and keeps her from being the best she can be. Astrabella enjoys singing, but she never sings unless she needs a little pick-me-up and is forced to. Astrabella is also a dancer, but she had no where to dance in Hogwarts either. It was something she missed when she was in Hogwarts, but she knew that if she needed it, her best friend would help her out.
The only thing that really irks her is when people talk to her and belittle her. Astrabella isn't one for nicknames like "love" and "sweetheart". So far, only one person has ever gotten away with calling her those things, and that person is her best friend. It also doesn't help that if someone happens to call her "emo child", she'll attack them. Astrabella doesn't care if she gets in trouble for it. She'd rather be in trouble then be called "emo child". She, like everyone else, dislikes Dolores Jane Umbridge, because she was like everything Astrabella disliked. The colour pink particularly annoys her as well.
Anything preppy and cheerful reminds her of a Barbie-like girl in the cliched movies back at home, and it makes her want to throw up in the sight of her. Astrabella just loathes Umbridge, and is up for any kind of pranks to pull on Umbridge. She has actually sided with the Weasly twins over Umbridge, and for once, pulled pranks on her. She actually let her hair down, much to the shock of several people. Astrabella's laughter over this made her want to actually go and check herself into St. Mungo's mental ward. It wasn't the only thing that had her worried. She was also diagnosed by Muggle therapists with chronic depression. If anything, she knew they had to be right about that.
Is this not enough to say that Astrabella is pretty complex? She doesn't know, but to her, that's more than enough to know about her.
I've fallen from my nest so high above
birthplace»» Surrey, England
hometown»» Bristol, England
parents»» unknown father (left her mother at age three) and --- --- Monroe (she shares her mother's maiden name)
siblings»» none
other family»» Jeremy (cousin)
family pets»» She has a dog back home, along with two horses.
full history»» ((OOC: this is ASSUMING that the Harry Potter verse took place in 1995, like it is according to the books. As to her scene looks, well, just call her a trendsetter. After all, scene kids DID exist back in 1995 (I would know since in 1980s, they had all these neon things) and grunge was really popular, but whatever, kay?!))
THE ARRIVAL: FEBUARY 15TH, 1978
"Well, let's see. My mum and whoever my dad was, well, my dad as it appears was an one-night-stand. So, nine monthes before my birth, we all know what happened. And we all know that obviously, I came out as a mistake. However, my mother obviously loved me, since she's kept me well-fed and treat me well. Oh, and she turned to her friend, her best friend since Hogwarts (who, by the way, was in Ravenclaw like my mom), who helped her though the pregenacy. It appears I had a tight net from when I was born, because my best friend had been born just a week earlier than me. He likes to brag about being older than me.
"Ha. Well, anyway, I was born on a pretty stormy night, and I was nearly born on the sixteenth instead! How about that, right? Well, I guess you could say that I was just lucky, since my mum was suprised to see my hair changing colour and texture the moment I popped out. My mum was certain my father had to of been magical, and had genes for metamorphagi. There was also a chance that he might be a metamorphagi as well. So she knew then when she saw me, there was no hope in finding him anymore. But then she went and named me 'Astrabella Jennifer Monroe', after her own last name.
"So, yeah. Apparently, Astrabella means 'beautiful star' and who cares whatever the other two are. But, yeah, my sympathy kind of went down the drain because of those two names. I do not like having the nickname 'AJ' or 'Bella' or 'Astra' or anything else like that. Who cares about my father when I have the lamest name ever given to a person in the world?"
THE FIRST BIRTHDAY: FEBUARY 15TH, 1979
"Oh, this one was pretty interesting. I guess that means I probably was obviously magical. I pretty much started talking at seven months of age, and now, at my first birthday, I went from crawling to walking in one day. The most I ever said during the entire thing? "Momma! I walk!" Yeah. Apparently, most Muggle children don't understand 'sentences' until the age of two or something. But whatever. I guess it's because I'm smart."
THE DIAGONSIS: JULY 16TH, 1984
"Well, this was when we learned something was definatly wrong with me. I went from happy to depressed constantaly, and there were only a few people who could help. Jeremy was constantly having to call me, the cousin I have that my mother's sister had. She too was a half-blood, and so my cousin was pretty much also raised knowing about telephones and television and that sort of thing. Well, either way, my cousin was constantly calling from France (I'm part French), and having to talk me out of my depression. My best friend would constantly be over, and having to try and keep me from falling. I guess when they took me to a Muggle therapist, he knew instantly what was wrong. He said I probably was chronically depressed.
"At the time, it was a shocking diagonsis, but we've gotten used to it. Hell, I've gotten used to having no control over my feelings. Over suddenly going from happy to wanting to cry at the slightest insult. It's weird, but I know what's wrong now. I guess it's okay now. If anything is ever okay, which I don't think it is, but it doesn't matter. I have no chance at it. And it's just weird for me to be alright all the time, and it's something I'm used to now as well."
THE HAIR CHANGING: AUGUST 12TH, 1987
"Well, this one was pretty interesting. I was feeling so depressed at the time, and when I looked in the mirror, seeing my blond hair annoyed me. It didn't fit what I was feeling, and I thought black would look better on me. As if it knew what I wanted, my hair changed from the light blond to the dark black, which caused me to scream. Jeremy was staying over, and was in Beauxboxtous Academy, I guess. When he came over, his eyes widened, and he said, 'Aunt ---, AJ's showing the signs!' My mum was in the kitchen, working on the dishes. I heard a dish break and my mum hurry over to the bathroom I was in.
"She gasped, and said, 'AJ! I should've known that you had magic in you from birth, but this? Oh, I'm so proud!' And then, she hugged me, which shocked me to no end. But then she looked at my hair, and grimaced. She said, 'Ugh, but you just don't look that great with black hair. Try a softer colour next time, OK?' I was confused, but then, I shrugged, and thinking she meant that I should go with a lighter brown or something. But I liked it way too much too change it. So that's what happened."
THE HOGWARTS LETTER ARRIVAL: JULY 20TH, 1989
"This was the most shocking point of my life. For once, my hair went from black to brunette, and I had it in curls, and a soft auburn colour. Then a screech owl came through the window, which made me shriek, worried about what happened. And the screech owl dropped a pice of heavy paper in my oatmeal. I looked at it curiously with my blue-green eyes before pulling the letter out of my oatmeal. It had green ink on it, written to: "Miss Astrabella Jennifer Monroe; The Small Cottage on the Outskirts of London; The Second Bedroom". It was so precise in where I lived, I wondered for a moment if I was being stalked. However, when my best friend came in and saw what I was examining, with my eyes on the crest that sealed the letter, he said excitedly, 'You got one too?! Me too! We're going to Hogwarts!'
"I looked at him in deep confusion, before opening the letter, which read the usual to inform me of my acceptence at Hogwarts, and Jeremy smirked. He said, 'Well, it's no Beauxbottoms, but it's a good school, I guess.' I was confused, and mum said, 'Jeremy goes to a different school in France.' I didn't know what she meant, but last year cleared it up for me, I guess. So, yeah, it could have been worst, who knows what it's really like over there anymore. But, yeah, I was excited."
THE O.W.LS EXAMS: FROM MARCH TO APRIL, 1993
"Well, this was kind of important, I guess. I went and did pretty well on my Charms exams, which was mostly thanks to Professor Flitwick. There was also my Transfiguration exams, which I had pushed myself to get an 'O' in. Herbology, I stunk at, and got an 'E', since I guess I did 'exceed expectations' because I didn't blow anything up. In Potions, another 'O', because I'm great at Potions. And yet, not so great at cooking. I also didn't do so well in COMC, which I got another 'E' in, since I didn't harm any of the animals worst. I got an 'O' in History of Magic, and that's all that I really should say about this, because I'm just rambling about my scores now."
THE PRESENT: TODAY
"Well, I gave you the important parts of my history. Everything else isn't important."
we were one cell in the sea in the beginning
your name/alias»» call me Tasia, everyone does.
age»» fifteen, almost sixteen, turn sixteen this year
experience»» um... about seven years? Before I turned ten, I think. And I think my first board was a Harry Potter board! And then I did Real Life and Harry Potter! *sigh* Funny how I got my start on ProBoards, went to InvisionFree, and am now back to my roots. *tears at fond memories*
contact information»» PM for ANY sort of contact. I will only hand out my AIM, TasiaIsMagic, requesting you do not use it to say that you want "so-and-so" for your charrie. Kay?
how did you find us»» through the main admin, requesting I assist in subplots (be nice to me, I decide your charrie's future and can chose if I want to kill of your charrie. JK, I wouldn't do that unless you had a good reason)
anything else»» THE PROBOARDS SPELL CHECK! OHMIGOD, HOW I'VE MISSED IT! *huggles spell check* I SUCK AT SPELLING! *is hyperventilating at this wonderful moment* *had to use it because she misspelled everything here* OH, WAITS! squibs will own the school
roleplay sample»» hey: i write a lot 'cause i ramble. do not feel that you have to post this much when rp'ing with me, 'cause I'm not a word count warrior. I don't expect ANYONE to give me a gazillion words just because they think I'll go ballistic because they don't. Don't worry: I freaking don't care as LONG as I can work with it. If you give me a freaking PARAGRAPH with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I will blow my top.
OOC: from DIAL L FOR LOSER, InvisionFree, admin'ed by Jessy, rp'ing with a Josh Farro charrie, charrie is a suspect in the murder, is a murder mystery site
Astra wasn't sure what the hell was causing her to think of her best friend in ways she never thought a best friend would think of another best friend. Did the world hate her or something? Well, that was pretty obvious, since she was feeling things she just knew she shouldn't feel for her best friend. It wasn't at all like her to think of anyone like this, or anyone who she knew, not even her best friend. She'd never gone crazy over a guy, and never thought she would feel like she's obsessing over her best friend. Astra wondered why she felt this way about him all of a sudden, or did she constantly notice everything about him? After all, this was the guy who she spent the night with like a brother, and someone who helped her out, and stayed beside her, even when she knew that no one should stand beside her. Astra was so confused and wondered what the hell it was about Tuck that had her going crazy over him all of a sudden. Then again, she was always happier just because Tuck was around, or the fact that he would hold her in his arms. And now, of course, her heart had to go haywire every time he called her by something other than "AJ" (trust her parents to come up with that) and even more so when he called her "love" or "sweetheart" or something that anyone else would have gotten slapped for calling her.
Astra couldn't believe her parents, she returned their glare, and was agonized. It didn't make sense, sure, Tuck hated Eddie, but why blame him for a murder when they were almost always together? He wouldn't traumatize her by killing a guy in front of her, after all, she didn't even tell him about the whole thing that happened two days ago! Sure, she told her parents, they were horrified, and Jeremy promised not to tell Tuck, but now? They were thinking along the same lines as the police! That Tuck killed Eddie for violating her, when she never even told him about the whole episode two days ago, and the whole fact she threw a dish at him. Astra hadn't noticed the big bruise on her cheek until the next day, which caused her to wear make-up for the first time ever. It wasn't like people weren't used to seeing Astra with bruises, but she couldn't let Tuck see her bruised after that party. It was bad enough she had slits on her wrists again, not remembering where she got them. She was wearing costume make-up on her arms to hide them again, since who wants to see that anyway? It was kind of bad when Tuck saw them, he went practically ballistic, and took away all her stash of alcohol, telling her she's not getting it back. Astra tried to ignore him, but she couldn't.
Astra wondered how come Tuck was always so overprotective of her, but sometimes, she didn't mind at all. However, there are times she did mind that Tuck was overprotective, and that time was one of them. Astra smiled, and said, Of course normality is always over-rated. Being weird is cool... as long as it doesn't cause the people in the white coats to take you away and put you in a straight jacket. But those straight jackets! It makes me feel special 'cause I get to hug myself. How she ended up in a straight jacket was because she randomly started running around, screaming random words. It took her parents a lot to convince the therapists that she was always like this, and they were working on her. Tuck had to tell them that she was easy to handle so long as they kept her under surveillance. It was very hard for Astra to keep a straight face during all of this, and had no clue how she ended up in the straight jacket, really. It didn't make sense, but she had a great time doing crazy things either way. Astra laughed, and said, Good thing, because otherwise, the people in the white coats will take me away again! How would they take me away when I'm dead? I don't know. They're idiots. She smiled, and was glad that Tuck felt special just because she'd haunt him.
Astra laughed even harder and said, Tuck. We don't live in England. No one says Excuse me, good sir either! Then again, that's probably why so many Europeans hate us. We're so evil! We barely say please either! And aren't trousers supposed to refer to men's pants?! She was laughing so hard, he was asking her questions and making her laugh so hard over everything. Astra was happy just because Tuck was around to make everything better, and keep her from going in over her head. Astra was so happy that she had someone like Tuck around her, and enjoyed it so much. Astra was the only person who could be so light-hearted at a funeral, but then again, she was with Tuck. She could be herself around him, and he wouldn't care that she sounded like a person who belonged in a mental institute. She didn't like the fact that he knew nearly everything about her, and that no one else bothered to get to know her further than the "emo chick". It wasn't fair that Eddie had this huge funeral, but if she was killed before graduation, she doubted anyone would show up at her funeral. Astra just didn't get it, what was it about the people who were more popular having more people care about them then anyone else? Astra just wondered who else besides her family, Tuck's family, Tuck, and Jeremy would show up. Maybe Shay?
But then again, Shay was sort of a party girl, and enjoyed the fact she loved going to parties. Would Emmy or Eli show up at her funeral? And now full circle again. To Astra's tears and make-up soaking his shirt, and her cover-up on the bruises slipping off on his clothing. Astra was always bruised, considering the fact she can barely walk in heels, or dance in an enclosed room without banging into something. Before Eddie's death, she rammed onto the wall because she was too busy staring at Tuck. So a bruise covering her cheekbone was to be expected, right? Her parents were confused as to why she often hide these things, like the marks on her shoulder, but she had thought to put stage-light resistant make-up. In other words, theater make-up would have been smarter to use on her face then any other make-up. Astra was pretty frail, now that she looked at herself properly. She hated being so useless, so small, and so easy to take advantage of. Astra knew of only one shirt of Tuck's that had not been a victim to her make-up smearing on it, or anything like that and it was the one she had often slept in. However, she noticed that every time she smelled it now, it started smelling more like her and less like Tuck, which for some reason bugged her.
Astra knew that Tuck hated seeing her helpless, but when had she ever been easy to handle? After all, time didn't care about anyone, she grew up from the usual, and was always so depressed, straight from elementary school. Every time she saw the sun rise, she thought, Obviously, time keeps going with no care. After all, someone dies, the world continues to spin, someone gives birth, no one pauses for a minute except for the parents of the child, and no one cares. How is it that when Astra was depressed, the world seemed to make so much more sense? It didn't take much for Astra to take note of everything when she was spiraling into depression, and she always said more significant, life-changing things whenever she was depressed. Sometimes, she wondered if depression meant you notice things, and got wiser with each sad moment. Astra knew this was probably the best way to say, "Fuck you", but she didn't care. She said, What do you want, Tuck? I don't know what I want anymore... Astra was being honest, she didn't know what she wanted, and the fact that her hormones were taking over her brain and making her think she wanted Tuck in ways she never thought of before, and was thinking she wanted to kiss Tuck.
Did life hate her or something? Astra sometimes wondered if the world was trying to fuck her over or something, and guessed that much was true. Astra smiled as his lips were against her cheek (enjoying it too much as well), and said, OK. Don't leave me alone for far too long, kay? She looked down, and was glad he was here, not leaving her for too long, like he promised her in her freshman year. Wait... Everything was starting to come back to her. She had been left alone by Tuck for a minute too long, and she had been spiraling downward, he had left her, though he said he wouldn't. And Astra wasn't thinking, and her tears were falling as she decided what she wanted without thinking it through. Tuck had found her before it was too late, and stopped her simply by saying her name. She had seen him, and it was all it took to stop her from doing what she decided to do. Why was it that Tuck was able to stop her, when her parents had failed at stopping her spiraling depression? She had begged him to promise to never leave her alone for too long again, and he promised her. She smiled, and said, without thinking, referring to the promise he made her so long ago, the one no one really knew about, Thank you. She was so happy he kept it.
Astra's request was the only thing that she had never thought she would ever say again, not since she was three years old. She smiled even wider, and climbed into his arms, and placed her arms around his neck, feeling like she was five years old again, being carried by her dad. She ignored the looks of shock at her, the fact that she was basically in Tuck's arms, being carried, much like one would see in a wedding instead of a funeral. Astra didn't care at all. She liked that Tuck would carry her even when they were at a funeral and shouldn't do that. She felt her heart race, and felt stupid once again. Why on Earth was she acting like this around Tuck? Was she falling head over heels in love with her best friend? Astra didn't want this at all, she didn't want to be in love with her best friend. He didn't need another reason to be a suspect in Eddie's murder. They'd think she wanted Eddie out of the way or something, and how on Earth would she explain how she knew? At a fucking funeral? That sounded so sick, and even Astra wouldn't have it. She placed her head on his shoulder, breathing evenly to try and calm her heart down. It couldn't get much worse than that, right
Astra wasn't sure what the hell was causing her to think of her best friend in ways she never thought a best friend would think of another best friend. Did the world hate her or something? Well, that was pretty obvious, since she was feeling things she just knew she shouldn't feel for her best friend. It wasn't at all like her to think of anyone like this, or anyone who she knew, not even her best friend. She'd never gone crazy over a guy, and never thought she would feel like she's obsessing over her best friend. Astra wondered why she felt this way about him all of a sudden, or did she constantly notice everything about him? After all, this was the guy who she spent the night with like a brother, and someone who helped her out, and stayed beside her, even when she knew that no one should stand beside her. Astra was so confused and wondered what the hell it was about Tuck that had her going crazy over him all of a sudden. Then again, she was always happier just because Tuck was around, or the fact that he would hold her in his arms. And now, of course, her heart had to go haywire every time he called her by something other than "AJ" (trust her parents to come up with that) and even more so when he called her "love" or "sweetheart" or something that anyone else would have gotten slapped for calling her.
Astra couldn't believe her parents, she returned their glare, and was agonized. It didn't make sense, sure, Tuck hated Eddie, but why blame him for a murder when they were almost always together? He wouldn't traumatize her by killing a guy in front of her, after all, she didn't even tell him about the whole thing that happened two days ago! Sure, she told her parents, they were horrified, and Jeremy promised not to tell Tuck, but now? They were thinking along the same lines as the police! That Tuck killed Eddie for violating her, when she never even told him about the whole episode two days ago, and the whole fact she threw a dish at him. Astra hadn't noticed the big bruise on her cheek until the next day, which caused her to wear make-up for the first time ever. It wasn't like people weren't used to seeing Astra with bruises, but she couldn't let Tuck see her bruised after that party. It was bad enough she had slits on her wrists again, not remembering where she got them. She was wearing costume make-up on her arms to hide them again, since who wants to see that anyway? It was kind of bad when Tuck saw them, he went practically ballistic, and took away all her stash of alcohol, telling her she's not getting it back. Astra tried to ignore him, but she couldn't.
Astra wondered how come Tuck was always so overprotective of her, but sometimes, she didn't mind at all. However, there are times she did mind that Tuck was overprotective, and that time was one of them. Astra smiled, and said, Of course normality is always over-rated. Being weird is cool... as long as it doesn't cause the people in the white coats to take you away and put you in a straight jacket. But those straight jackets! It makes me feel special 'cause I get to hug myself. How she ended up in a straight jacket was because she randomly started running around, screaming random words. It took her parents a lot to convince the therapists that she was always like this, and they were working on her. Tuck had to tell them that she was easy to handle so long as they kept her under surveillance. It was very hard for Astra to keep a straight face during all of this, and had no clue how she ended up in the straight jacket, really. It didn't make sense, but she had a great time doing crazy things either way. Astra laughed, and said, Good thing, because otherwise, the people in the white coats will take me away again! How would they take me away when I'm dead? I don't know. They're idiots. She smiled, and was glad that Tuck felt special just because she'd haunt him.
Astra laughed even harder and said, Tuck. We don't live in England. No one says Excuse me, good sir either! Then again, that's probably why so many Europeans hate us. We're so evil! We barely say please either! And aren't trousers supposed to refer to men's pants?! She was laughing so hard, he was asking her questions and making her laugh so hard over everything. Astra was happy just because Tuck was around to make everything better, and keep her from going in over her head. Astra was so happy that she had someone like Tuck around her, and enjoyed it so much. Astra was the only person who could be so light-hearted at a funeral, but then again, she was with Tuck. She could be herself around him, and he wouldn't care that she sounded like a person who belonged in a mental institute. She didn't like the fact that he knew nearly everything about her, and that no one else bothered to get to know her further than the "emo chick". It wasn't fair that Eddie had this huge funeral, but if she was killed before graduation, she doubted anyone would show up at her funeral. Astra just didn't get it, what was it about the people who were more popular having more people care about them then anyone else? Astra just wondered who else besides her family, Tuck's family, Tuck, and Jeremy would show up. Maybe Shay?
But then again, Shay was sort of a party girl, and enjoyed the fact she loved going to parties. Would Emmy or Eli show up at her funeral? And now full circle again. To Astra's tears and make-up soaking his shirt, and her cover-up on the bruises slipping off on his clothing. Astra was always bruised, considering the fact she can barely walk in heels, or dance in an enclosed room without banging into something. Before Eddie's death, she rammed onto the wall because she was too busy staring at Tuck. So a bruise covering her cheekbone was to be expected, right? Her parents were confused as to why she often hide these things, like the marks on her shoulder, but she had thought to put stage-light resistant make-up. In other words, theater make-up would have been smarter to use on her face then any other make-up. Astra was pretty frail, now that she looked at herself properly. She hated being so useless, so small, and so easy to take advantage of. Astra knew of only one shirt of Tuck's that had not been a victim to her make-up smearing on it, or anything like that and it was the one she had often slept in. However, she noticed that every time she smelled it now, it started smelling more like her and less like Tuck, which for some reason bugged her.
Astra knew that Tuck hated seeing her helpless, but when had she ever been easy to handle? After all, time didn't care about anyone, she grew up from the usual, and was always so depressed, straight from elementary school. Every time she saw the sun rise, she thought, Obviously, time keeps going with no care. After all, someone dies, the world continues to spin, someone gives birth, no one pauses for a minute except for the parents of the child, and no one cares. How is it that when Astra was depressed, the world seemed to make so much more sense? It didn't take much for Astra to take note of everything when she was spiraling into depression, and she always said more significant, life-changing things whenever she was depressed. Sometimes, she wondered if depression meant you notice things, and got wiser with each sad moment. Astra knew this was probably the best way to say, "Fuck you", but she didn't care. She said, What do you want, Tuck? I don't know what I want anymore... Astra was being honest, she didn't know what she wanted, and the fact that her hormones were taking over her brain and making her think she wanted Tuck in ways she never thought of before, and was thinking she wanted to kiss Tuck.
Did life hate her or something? Astra sometimes wondered if the world was trying to fuck her over or something, and guessed that much was true. Astra smiled as his lips were against her cheek (enjoying it too much as well), and said, OK. Don't leave me alone for far too long, kay? She looked down, and was glad he was here, not leaving her for too long, like he promised her in her freshman year. Wait... Everything was starting to come back to her. She had been left alone by Tuck for a minute too long, and she had been spiraling downward, he had left her, though he said he wouldn't. And Astra wasn't thinking, and her tears were falling as she decided what she wanted without thinking it through. Tuck had found her before it was too late, and stopped her simply by saying her name. She had seen him, and it was all it took to stop her from doing what she decided to do. Why was it that Tuck was able to stop her, when her parents had failed at stopping her spiraling depression? She had begged him to promise to never leave her alone for too long again, and he promised her. She smiled, and said, without thinking, referring to the promise he made her so long ago, the one no one really knew about, Thank you. She was so happy he kept it.
Astra's request was the only thing that she had never thought she would ever say again, not since she was three years old. She smiled even wider, and climbed into his arms, and placed her arms around his neck, feeling like she was five years old again, being carried by her dad. She ignored the looks of shock at her, the fact that she was basically in Tuck's arms, being carried, much like one would see in a wedding instead of a funeral. Astra didn't care at all. She liked that Tuck would carry her even when they were at a funeral and shouldn't do that. She felt her heart race, and felt stupid once again. Why on Earth was she acting like this around Tuck? Was she falling head over heels in love with her best friend? Astra didn't want this at all, she didn't want to be in love with her best friend. He didn't need another reason to be a suspect in Eddie's murder. They'd think she wanted Eddie out of the way or something, and how on Earth would she explain how she knew? At a fucking funeral? That sounded so sick, and even Astra wouldn't have it. She placed her head on his shoulder, breathing evenly to try and calm her heart down. It couldn't get much worse than that, right
